Friday, May 22, 2009

why must i be we?

Ugh, wow. One legitimate post since I created this thing. Turns out I’m not so good at deadlines, even when self-imposed. Doesn’t bode well for my pre-embryonic writing career.

Well – here’s something that’s been bugging me about myself lately. I say “lately,” but I guess I really mean “perpetually.” I suspect I’m not the only sucker experiencing the same sporadic moments of disillusion; self-reflection is either a subtle prerequisite or a lagging byproduct of sentience, and it seems natural to find more faults in those you spend the most time staring at, especially when you’re looking at a mirror.

(Note to self: avoid delaying your thesis when the thesis is completely boring. In fact, avoid delaying theses entirely. Change title of blog entry from “pensive…” to “why must i be we?”)

I’m becoming increasingly frustrated that who I am depends so heavily on whom I’m with at a given moment in space and time. The fact that my frustration is accelerating implies that time is a significant variable in this particular function. Perhaps this self-imposed social construct of identity limitation is what creates the cragginess in some of the elderly I have encountered. Perhaps this is why Dick Cheney is such an ass.

Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Must be because Jack Daniels is the only individual “whom I’m with,” and he’s more of an identity enabler than inhibitor.

What is the purpose of a blog if not a means of self-definition? So rather than go into graphic detail on what makes me who I am, I’ll let forthcoming blog entries shape my view of me. Judging by the frequency of my entries, I’m not holding my breath.

In the meantime, here’s a rhetorical question: What if each person was himself or herself at all times? What if people did not have to anticipate an audience’s reaction every time they acted or spoke? I suspect this would be a very chaotic world, one that elevated only the very most universal (and therefore most irrelevant) individuals to roles of leadership and artistic accomplishment. While I don’t think I’d be much interested in such a world, the notion of identity nudeness is appealing, perhaps as much because I wouldn’t have to resent being a censored version of myself as I’d actually learn who all YOU people are.

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